How to get out of obligatory s*x

Don’t act like ya’ll don’t know what I am talking about. Ladies this post is for you. I don’t know too many men who don’t

Obligatory Sex: Sex usually women (and some men) have to have after dating someone for several weeks or months.

Picture it. You have been seeing this guy for a few weeks or months. He has spent quite a bit of money on taking you out on dates. You may have even let him get a good night kiss. Truth is, you like him, but you still don’t like him like him. But you know eventually he is going to want to go all the way. You dread the day he calls you after some time and asks can he come over or will you visit him. You avoided this by saying at first that its too soon and you don’t let people over your house or go over their’s this early on in the relationship. That won’t fly anymore. He is coming to collect. Its time for you guys to get it on. Again, you aren’t feeling him like that.  (You find out he has a small peen)
 What to do.

You may want to keep the “friendship” going as long as you can because it does have its benefits. So simply saying “I never plan on having sex with you” isn’t going to fly. You don’t’ want to burn your free meal bridge and hang out partner bridge.

So what to do what to do. Well fear not. True is here to help. With my tips, you will be able to successfully get out of having obligatory s*x yet still enjoy the company of your friend.

1. Say you are about to have your period or say you are already having it. Nothing turns a man off quicker than saying “I’m bloated and crampy”. This is tricky cause you have to make sure you go out with him around the same time. He will start to clock your cycle.

2. Fake like you are extremely tired – OMG my girl is seeing someone she isn’t romantically interested in. She enjoys hanging with him but doesn’t want to take it there. He asked to come over one night, she yawned and said “sure but I’m tired” I guess he decided to test her cause sure nuff he went over there. When he got there she had every single light out in the house and was deep in bed under the covers talking jibberish. He conceded and left stating “dang you really are tired.” After he left, she got up to watch television. GENIUS lol The problem with this is he will try to come earlier and earlier, so remember to try not to let him visit until really late at night cause you had something to do after work. *wink

3. Say you have a condom allergy – if he asks to put it in anyway and claims he is disease free, tell him that you are offended that he would say that. He’ll feel so bad about offending you and not being understanding he’ll probably never ask you for sex again waiting patiently until you are ready (which of course is never). Yes he may suggest getting tested together, simply stall your test results forever until you don’t want to see him anymore.

4. Claim you don’t want to have sex until you have been seeing eachother a year – This most likely will go good cause he will continue to befriend you and take you out while waiting thinking that you are a virtuous woman. Meanwhile, you are simply just getting your freak on elsewhere.

Ladies, have you ever had to get out of obligatory sex before? Fellas? Everyone please share :)

Now to my male readers, I know some of these excuses may seem harsh, and you probably really believe that woman when she said she didn’t want to have sex with you, cause clearly any woman wants to have sex with you simply because you showed her a good time and you are MALE. Lol.

Nah seriously, get off that ego stuff. We may like you as a friend but we know that as a friend you won’t treat us special like we like and especially not take us out to dinner.

Now have fun commenting on this post..I know its going to be some angry “Just be honest” comments


But being honest all the time takes the fun out of life at times

Are We Taking Social Apps Too Seriously? Should We Be?

When I first joined Myspace, I thought it was fun place to hang out on the internet. Pics were up of ppl having a good time or hamming it up. You got to see peoples families and hear some music from their page. Then I noticed that people started doing some arguing over baby momma drama and high school threats were being made. I stopped going on myspace and entered the new social realm of Facebook.

Ah a break from the arguing and teen drama. Facebook appeared mature with no applications for music and other ghetto things going on. Facebook started off innocent enough, but like MySpace, soon people were arguing back and forth, airing other people’s business and just being TMI. UGH..I was bored with it.

Then I got into twitter. Wow, people were having good debates on twitter, starting funny trend topics without all the extra BS. Then even that started to turn into a nightmare when you had celebs like Mashonda (swizz beats ex wife) deciding to use twitter to express and give us details about her crumbling marriage. (Ugh, I think some things should just be private)

I myself was subjected to the seriousness of twitter when I had a really good friend unfollow me for no apparent reason (no..NOT HER…my real good friend I had for YEARS)

I don’t get it. I though applications like twitter were supposed to be FUN! Now it seems people are using them instead of communicating in person. They are using twitter to express their dislike and like for someone. People are using twitter to curse out people and start beef. Drama kings and queens use twitter to play the victim and get some co-signs. People use twitter to show their relationship status. People talk all about their kids on twitter. I just personally think some of this is TOO MUCH. What happened to being lighthearted on social apps?

I know I made a previous post on why can’t you find love on twitter. But finding love and relationships on twitter is fun, declaring your dislike or disdain for someone SERIOUSLY is NOT!! PERIOD!!! (I mean really…I express hatred towards a few of the ppl I follow but its not that serious for me. It’s all shyts and giggles)

I guess we are moving more and more towards communicating with people on these social applications and less in person. I guess our society is truly transforming towards an all digital communicating society. It has to be. Why else would you stop following someone on twitter because they said something you didn’t like? Why else would people use social applications to really and truly express something super personal towards someone? Why else would companies check twitter and Facebook prior to hiring you?

I mean come on. I just scroll past the posts I’m not interested in reading. I have un-followed people who seemed to be only spammers, but that’s just about it. You don’t have to be my friend for me to follow you on twitter. You don’t have to follow me for me to follow you. Hell, I don’t really have to “like” you to follow you. I am on twitter to past the time, to express dumb stuff, maybe vent a tiny bit about general things, to make people laugh, to laugh at other people, and to debate. I am not on twitter to make friends (although I have met some really cool folk from twitter). I am not on twitter to show how popular I am or get more attention.

But I guess I’m probably the only one who feels this way or one of the few.

Folks, are social apps replacing human face to face contact? Are social apps a reliable way to have serious personal communication with someone? Should twitter and other social apps be taken seriously since as a society we are using them more and more to communicate?

What does everyone think?

Master The Art of Multi-Dating - My Second Guest Blogger EVER!!! I LOVE GUESTS !!!!

Hello All,



FYI, I'm not really on a hiatus, its that I normally blog from work, but since I'm out in the open of the office now *coughsomeonesnitchedcough* I won't be blogging as often, not until I replace or repair my PC. So..anyways, I asked a good Blogger friend of mine to write a blog about Dating in DC..after all she is the DCDATINGDIVA (her blog dcdatingadventures.blogspot.com )



So give it up for my girl, please read, enjoy and print it out
 
 
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Master The Art of Multi-Dating
 
Yes, you can! Remember that??? Well pull it back out, cause yes, YOU too, can be the ultimate multi-tasker. I learned at an early age how to “kill two birds with one stone”. Not that I am a bird killer, but I’m all about making the most of my day. I do need time to consume my vodka, well now, I’ve switched my favorite drink, but that’s another subject.

Diva what are you talking about????


Well DATING of course! I want you to improve your dating life! I decided it’s ok for me to reveal a couple of my secrets. Here’s one. You too can go on three (or more, if you got it like that) dates in one day, and still have time for the gym, a nap, or shoe shopping! Here’s how.


First, make sure you have options. When going out, I like to keep my options open, and not schedule long dates, especially first dates. The longest a first date should be is MAX 2 hours. If it’s someone who you’ve been out with before & enjoy their company, well that’s different...and yes, I’ve broken this rule a few times, and trust me, it wasn’t always pretty...I’ve learned from my mistake...


Second, make sure plans are made in advance. DO NOT make last minute plans with someone. If he (or she) is calling or texting you that afternoon, to see what you are doing that night...DON’T DO IT!!! You have a social life, remember? Make sure they are cognizant of your time too.



Third, maximize your lunch hour. Ummm perfect way to have a quickie, and still have the evening free.


Happy hour. Enough said. Be sure to let your “potential” know that you have plans or “something to do” at 7:30pm, but you would love to meet them for drinks at 5:30pm. After you escape happy hour... go & enjoy dinner with the number one draft pick. If you are on that super plan, and are not worn out...you can always schedule a “dessert” date for 9:30pm.



Doing the plan on a Saturday or Sunday??? Maximize your day with brunch dates, afternoon movie or museum dates, and of course, don’t forget to squeeze in that nap, so you’re well rested for your evening festivities...

Diva “Cause I love to spread joy & happiness when I can, and drink vodka...”

EZ STREET PRESENTS: THICK VS. THINNESS PERSPECTIVES & BEYOND SHOW

In case you missed it, Your's truly was one of the guest panelists on EZSTREETSHOW.COM

Click the link to hear me discuss body image, male preferences and self esteem issues in the black community

http://ezstreetshow.com/2009/11/09/ez-street-presents-thick-vs-thinness-perspectives-beyond-show/

They are moving my seat

Monday I will be moving to a new seat. My new desk is the most out in the open desk in the whole office. I can no longer tweet, blog, IM, Gchat  or anything of that nature during work hours unless its lunch. Thanks for your patience..I will miss you as much as you miss me #lies LMFAO

Anyhoo...keep reading tho..i'll b posting

CRAZY!!!! MAN SHE CRAZY!!! (That ninja crazy girls don't say nuffin to em)

Being the outgoing and loud very social person I am often accused of being "crazy". I easily get offended by that comment as I don't like being associated with people that belong in mental hospitals or your random jump off bish that keeps calling your job or follows you on twitter so that she can see if you are cheating. I am appaulled that you would lump me in the same category as that crazy man that stands on the corner cussing out everyone as they walk past. I ahbor being associated with a serial killer or sociopath. "I AM NOT CRAZY!!!" I always end up yelling at people. Just because a person is loud doesn't make them crazy. Just because a person is quiet doesn't mean they are not crazy.

I grow tired of explaining that I am not the type of crazy they call me. That there are several levels of crazy, several different types of crazy. Each of has some sort of crazy in us whether it be some form of delusional "I am better than you" to the people with OCD that bad that they can't leave the house without fixing their pant cuffs over and over. I am very prepared to educate you about what's really crazy and what really isn't in this post.

1. Violent Crazy - This "crazy" person is easily upsettable(<--prolly not a word). No matter what the situation, they will result to violence as the end result. They constantly talk about kicking your ass, your momma's ass, and your grandmomma's ass if it boils down to it. They are extremely intimidating. They may grunt as the walk past instead of talk. Violent crazy will use a weapon to kick your ass. You will probably black out from the ass whooping they dish out on you. This type of crazy will knock you out over the last peice of chicken. Trust, you don't want to be on their bad side. You definitely don't want to be around when 2 extremely angry crazy people are fighting. It may prove to be fatal. You can easily tell the Violent crazy cause they are always fighting or getting ready to. Someone is always holding them back from fighting.

2. Stalker Crazy - You know who he/she is. This person doesn't give you any breathing space. At first you think the obsession with you is really adorable and cute.But then later you realize that it isn't affection they are giving you after you walk in and see the shrine they created in your honor.When you do realize that they have some screws loose, your life immediately turns into a lifetime movie. Fellas if you try to break if off with a stalker crazy woman she will claim pregnancy. Your dumb ass will believe her then have unprotected sex with her making her pregnant anyway. (dummy). Women, the stalker crazy guy will say he'll kill himself and you if he can't have you. He will follow you around, call your phone all the time. Men, the Stalker crazy girl will slash your tires, break your windows, and fight every single biatch she sees you with, even your momma. No matter how long yall been broken up you will always be their man/woman. The clear indication of the stalker crazy as I said in the beginning of the paragraph is that are extremely attached to you too soon. That is a big red flag. STAY AWAY or direct them to the nearest mental health clinic. Clearly they have abandonment issues.

3. Needy/emotional crazy - Obviously this person starts off as the good girl/boy. They are very sweet to you, they are always there when you need and the sex with this type of crazy person is BANANAS. One night tho, you stay out an extra hour later with your folks hanging out, after that your life is living HELL. They start going through your phone, accusing you of having relationships with everyone of the opposite sex you address. They  go through your pockets and are always accusing you of cheating. They never want you to go anywhere or do anything without them. If you want some me time, they threaten to leave you, but by then, you so peen/poon whipped you will do anything to keep them. Most of the time they are pleasent to be around, but soon as you dont answer your phone one time, its on an popping. They are famous for doing drop bys at your house, job or even your mans and nem crib looking for you. They tend to be desperate for marriage. Needy/emotional crazy have some self acceptance issues, maybe abandoment issues and possibly daddy/mommy issues. They attach to just about anyone that pays them the time of day, so don't feel that special.

Those up there are some definitions of whats "crazy". Those people clearly are people that maybe need counseling and/or maturity and should be avoided if you can. Clearly I am not any of those...okay..I lie. I used to be the violent one, but I am moving away from that.

There is some behavior that mistakenly gets the "crazy" label. Let me not say that..lemme say that its a different definition of crazy. This is the type of crazy that is based on your personality, not by your actions. Thats the just the way that person it. It doesn't mean they are like the crazy people stated above.

1. The outspeaker - This person is always saying something ALL THE TIME. Often called "ghetto" their mouths run longer than your refridgerator. They cannot shut up to save their lives. They say the most off the wall shyt that will either have you in stitches or questioning what kind of mind they have. The outspeaker is almost always mistaken as being Crazy because they are outgoing and very social. They get called the "crazy" in the Martin Lawrence "YOU SO CRAZY" way..but they really just like to have fun, and aren't ashamed of doing it out in the open. Its sad that people think you are crazy just because you have no shame *shrugs*. ..I couldn't care any less. Be you and have fun. Not all of us are concerned with what people think.

2. The Cusser outter - This person is easily annoyed by most people. They aren't afraid to tell you exactly how annoyed they are with you and they often get loud. They have no cut cards and are completly bluntly honest with everything. The cusser outter may appear to be the Violent Crazy, but chances are, they won't get physical with you. They just enjoy telling people off. They can be quiet as shyt until you annoy them, but most of the time, they are as loud talking as the outspeaker.

3. The extra quiet person - They are mistaken as crazy cause they never say ANYTHING. There is an old saying that the quiet ones are the ones you need to look out for. But thats not always the case. They are just quiet, observant, and dont like to draw attention to themselves. They are just reserved. It doesn't mean they are sitting there plotting the next terrorist attack. Just cause they are quiet doesn't mean they are stuck up or don't want to talk. They aren't engagers like the outspeaker. Go over there and talk to them, they are cool folks.

What other definitions of crazy can you think of? What type of "crazy" do you think I am? Remember this post was supposed to be light hearted. I dont need no one pulling out their DSM-V and shyt trying to "educate me" on the real definition of crazy... I HATE IT

and

IM NOT CRAZY !!!!!!

PEEN POST Part 2!!! HOW TO FISH OUT A BIG ONE!!

I guess you all are wondering why I need a part 2 this post when clearly part 1 was TMI enough information. The discussion I had at the bar the other day with my girls garnered a question.

HOW DO YOU TELL HOW BIG A MANS PEEN IS?

They asked me this because for the most part I am a big peen magnet. Sure I have attracted smaller peens in my life, but for the most part, the men I engage with have a 3rd leg are very well endowed.

I have come up with several ways that a woman can predict what a man is working with. Yes these will be very ignorant..but so is a post on PEEN to begin with.

How to tell if its big:

1. You are mean to him, yet he still pursues you - Get this, True doesn't like anyone...she hates mostly everything that includes people. I'm very quick to decline someone directly to their face.  I remember I was sitting at my fav spot ignoring the SHYT  and carrying my boy (DC term, means to DIS) and everything. He still kept asking for my number. Finally I gave in. We were friends MONTHS before we did anything, I found out he was hung like stocking. GOSH. After that I started doing caculations in my head. The guys I gave the hardest time to were the guys who turned out to be the ones who need the biggest bottle of lotion to self pleasure. My theory is that big peen men are used to women sweating them for their peen, they like a challenge. They want to "shut you up with their peen" if I may. Small peen men dont like rejection when they first meet. It's bad enough you gon reject the size of their peen, they are already defeated, they want to deal with it in the bedroom as well, so they won't go forward with pursuing you.

2. The Dance Test - you are in the club/bar/lounge/caberet and you are dancing with a dude. If he has a big one..(hell if he has a medium one) you will feel it. But with the big ones..you will REALLY REALLY feel it. I mean it won't be subtle. You will feel that hardness and jump and run across the room like he tried to prod your booty like an alien. 

3. He brags about the size - this is something else I have noticed. A guy with a cucumber in his pants will be quick to tell you what he is working with. He may even be jesting with you or funning. But it has proven true to me 99% of the time that when a guy says he is working with enough to feed a hungry village of whores, then its true. *sigh..flashbacks*

4. He has kids by different women - This is probably the most ignorant. *Shout out to all the guys sporting Kick stands for their torso's in their pants who aren't spreading their seed with just any and everyone.* It seems thoough that men that have multiple baby mothers have one thing in common...LARGE PEEN. A clearer clue is if he has never been married to any of them. For some reason, women lose their uteruses trying to keep the big peen man. *smh*


I feel like I have to make a separate list from this detailing what doesn't mean SHYT when figuring out peen size

• Obviously because he buys Trojan Magnums - That don't mean diddly squat fool. Do you know we can see ur peen? We know you dont really need magnums. Next time get lifestyles..thats wack.

• If he say he gon tear that ass up - Umm...you have a jalepeno peen, what are you going to "tear it up" with, do you plan on fisting? #imjustsaying

• He goes out of his way to get your cooter from you. - He will travel by bus, train, plane, fly you down there, all to get some of ur coota. Thats cause he self conscious about the size, doesn't like to be turned down to his face and figures he runs to you get get laid, you will go through with it. Big peen men are used to women calling them for some action. Small peen men dont get many call backs *sorry but true* Come to think about it, I dont know one big peen man thats thirsty for coochie.*pauses*...nope...NONE.  Tri - leggers tend to not be wanting for coochie

Now yall know these aren't gospel, just my observations on peen and men. Try some of them out tho...you may be suprised *ahem* at what you find out *winks* So if you haven't had big peen yet, or want big peen, use some of my tips at weeding out ones without one..it may work.

and..Im out..I dont think I can do this anymore....specially since I'm not getting any *frowns*