Monday, November 22, 2010
I know several people who are pregnant. Out of those several, I only know 2 that are married. Out of those several, a non-married couple ARE living as a family so I will give them their props (for now).
The others get a :-/
When did getting our women pregnant and not sticking around to raise the family become the "norm".
I got into a discussion with some friends. It didn't get really heated but the sentiment with one was pretty much that there is nothing wrong with having a baby without being married or with the guy/girl. The child will be loved and in the end that's all that matters.
Am I missing something? Have things changed? Do we really feel it's okay to have kids without the mother or father anymore. Have women become that independent of men that we don't even feel we need them to raise children? Or has the man gotten in our brain and successfully separated our family?
Our grandmothers and grandfathers were married, raised the kids together in the same household until grown and that was that. Now mind you I know these weren't perfect marriages, but you still saw the wife and husband around the house doing it "The right way". A balance between the paternal and maternal instincts. Seeing a strong male figure and a soft female figure. Having the mother AND father hug, love and protect you and show you love. (Well for the most part, again, I know some households weren't perfect). But, the most important thing here is that the mother and father were both present. That was normal then. Even when I was a little girl, kids were ridiculed for not having both mother and father in the home. I felt like an outsider.
Now if you have your father at home your are a freak of nature. You are different and people actually go "wow"
This is a cycle that is repeating terribly. It's going to continue because we now consider this behavior as acceptable and some of us even encourage it. I hate to hear women say "We don't need his ass, we will get along just fine". That is simply NOT TRUE.
We are breeding men who feel they are not needed in the household. We are breeding women who feel they don't need a man to raise a child. We are teaching our sons that the women can and SHOULD do it all because their mothers did and everything turned out fine. We are exposing our daughters and sons to every male and female we think we may like a little bit showing them that it's okay to be around my mom or dad short term, make it do what it do and roll out. We are teaching our kids that detachment is the norm, not attachment. They are repeating our cycle of getting knocked up and either rolling out or doing spit alone. They will repeat this behavior if we don't instill in them and expose them to what a supportive family should be.
Now this isn't a hetero post. I know there are homosexual couples who raise kids very well. The key there is they are not doing it alone. They are a couple, a unit. Heck for that matter this isn't even an marriage post, because I know couples who don't believe in marriage or don't want to get married but are living together as a couple and raising the kids, so the kids still see a unit. I also know aunts and uncles who raise kids, grandparents and widowed or divorced parents who are great parents. But I feel that as long as 2 people are coming together to raise kids or at least try, hey, you showed the kids that this is how it should be, even though it may not have worked out. No not everyone is going to have the same circumstances. I know I didn't. But I know that I would have been better of had I had both my parents (heck at least one) in my life. My parents didn't even TRY, as most parents nowadays don't. They just have unprotected sex, decide they want to keep the baby and again, the cycle has started again, as ususal.
Further, I believe that war and drugs or both contributed to fathers slacking on the job, but that's another topic I think.
It seems that people use the excuse that other people "did it alone" to keep doing it alone. My question is, why aren't we preventing this or trying to prevent this. Telling our kids not to make the same mistakes isn't working because our 19 year old unwed daughters and sons are still getting pregnant. How can single mothers and fathers show or provide a decent example of what a family unit should be? What other ways besides sex education can we use to prevent single parenthood, when it seems we are already so far removed? Or could it be I'm stuck in the past and that women and men really don't feel the need to be couples to concieve and raise children. If I am behind in the times, someone please bring me up to date.
Shout to all parents, whether single or married, biological or not.