Monday, January 23, 2012
No, this isn't one of those "I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body" posts. This post is about my jealousy towards men. I have over the years, developed a penis envy.
Men love to complain about all the "problems" they have in life. Baby momma drama (that they bring on themselves by the way, but this post isn't about stupid places to stick your dangalang), finding a decent wife, which fraternity to join, which university to attend will get them the most ass, are they tall enough for the ladies, why won't their beard grow.....and the list goes on *rolls eyes*
Oh, it's not like we don't sympathize with your problems. .....well, actually, WE DON'T.
Please spare us. Men have it MADE out here in these streets. And if I wasn't so cheap, and didn't want to damage my kids psychologically, I would strongly consider going thru the change and becoming one of you very fortunate creatures. My reasons why I want to be a man?..let's see.
1. Men don't have a Period - I don't even need to go into details about this one. Who the hell enjoys bleeding and wearing a mattress or wad of cotton in your crotch every month for most of your life. I think most women get a good 10 - 12 years mattress free. Then here comes Aunt Flo, our most annoying visitor. Nothing that men go through compares to the cramps, bloating, fatigue etc that comes from our monthly cycle. So yeah, we may be faking the mood swings, but cut us some gyat damn slack. You don't know what it's like to have a crime scene in your draws every month for a week....and no not wiping your ass properly is not a crime..though it should be.
2. Men don't have to give birth - What's worse than having a mattress between your ass for a week every month? Having to carry and push a human being out of the same area. The pain, the nausea, the aggravation the looking like you swallowed a watermelon. Then that thing has to come out of WHERE?!?!? No it is not a "wonderful experience". That's some bullshit women tell each other so we can continue to procreate and populate the planet. We won't even talk about the fact that after we endure all of the above and bring forth your offspring that men have the option to ROLL OUT SCOTT FREE and do this to another woman. Matter of fact I will talk about it in the next paragraph. If it weren't for the clitoris, which sole purpose is for sexual pleasure, and breasts that we get to fondle whenever we feel like it, the planet would have died off long ago.
3. Men don't have to amount to anything and still be desired - This is probably the biggest reason I have envy towards men. No matter how much a dude has fucked his life over, there is some desperate woman that will want him. And in-between those women, mom dukes will take care of you for no reason. I have seen the dirtiest, deadbeat dad-est men on the face of the earth STAY with a damn girlfriend. Dudes that live in their momma basement do so because they don't have to move out on their own. For one, their mom let's them live there, two, some low self esteem of a woman will be willing to sneak into momma's basement to "chill" with said homeboy and later move him in her own home that she pays for..cause you know....she wants a "man". I find myself really jealous of a dude who can have 5 baby momma's and get the new ho pregnant with the 6th and somehow have her convinced this time it's "different" and they have "changed". Meanwhile, men in the same situation just mentioned have the nerve to set standards. I Hate that the scrub can get a woman with degrees that has all her shit together, but a woman has to get 7 degrees and her cooking skills has to rival Chef Ramsey just to be a man's fuck buddy.
Men you have it easy. I would love to have the problem of waking up everyday and deciding what desperate woman I'm going to fuck and get to wash my draws and then deciding if I want to be successful or not cause really I don't have to cause I can still get woman. Oh and also if I'm going to father my kids or hang out at the strip club again.
Okay, let me go check on the penis I'm trying to grow in a petri dish