Thursday, April 12, 2012
I woke up this morning like I normally do thinking about morning head. Yes. I do this EVERY SINGLE MORNING.
I thought back to a time tho where I woke screaming thinking some critter had attacked my vagina but no...it was my now ex attempting to give me morning head.
God it was awful. It was akin to my clit being thrown in a meat grinder. I eventually taught him how to do it right now he somewhere else eating someone else's box with skill ( ._.)
Moving on. I actually woke up and tweeted that it's really tragic that some men don't know how to eat the box. Since I don't blog much no more..I figure pussy eating is the best most greatest topic to come back and blog about \o/.
Fellas, (and some ladies) I'm going to tell you makes for bad box eating.
1. Sucking too hard on clit - the clit is not a straw that you are trying to get a McDonald's milkshake out of. Juices come from the vagina, not the damn clit. Do not suck on her clit too hard. Yeah she moans when you do it, that's a moan of pain and disgust. You know what sucking on a clit too hard feels like? Sucking on balls too hard.
2. Gnawing on the clit or "chewing" on it - No Yung Joc, it's not a peice of bubble gum. Do not latch on the clit and start shaking your head from side to side like you see in some pornos. That does not feel good and those women are paid to pretend to like everything. Also we do not want to feel your teeth. You know what teeth on a clit feel like? Teeth on your dick
3. Missing the clit entirely - Then you have the assholes that only lick the pussyhole. MOFO ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!? Do you know NOTHING of human woman anatomy? Licking the pussy hole DOES NOTHING!!! Sure you can occasionally lick her vagina opening to catch the taste of her wonderful juices (okay mine are wonderful, I don't know about everyone else's) but remember that's not going to make her have an orgasm.
4. Spending too little time down there - you gotta be a real asshole to lick someone's vagina for 3 seconds then pull out the condom. Then have a nerve to want her to suck your dick till it falls off. Nah. Only a douchebag who doesn't like pussy licks it just enough to make her a tiny bit moist so he can hurry up and give her 2 measly minutes of so called pleasure.
Remember to find her clit, treat it gently, lick it slow (or fast if she likes) and pay attention to her cues to let you know if she is actually enjoying it. I would go into more detail about what to do to make it good but 1. Everyone is different and 2. I don't have time to fap as talking about how to eat her pussy good would turn me on immensely and have me thinking about some folk and some thangs.